Charity and Love.

This week I studied the Christ-like attribute of love and attempted to implement charity into my daily life. I learned through multiple scriptures that charity is the pure love of Christ and that we should "pray unto the Father with all energy of heart, that [we] may be filled with this love" (Moroni 7;48). That specific scripture really impacted me. I never thought of charity as a gift, something that I could ask for.

 I decided to take the challenge and earnestly pray every day that I might be able to have this love for others. Now, I won't even try to convince you that I'm even close to having as much love as the Savior or Heavenly Father does. I get annoyed by people pretty easily and I'm more sensitive than I would like to admit (what a great combination). But I tried really hard this week to look at others and try to see them as Christ would. As I walked to class I looked at the people around me (I tried not to be too creepy about it, I promise) and tried to see them as my brother or sister. Whenever someone did something that bothered me, I tried to ignore it and I tried not to think negative thoughts about them (which is a LOT harder to do). Like in Anatomy Lab when this girl accidentally sprayed me in the face with formaldehyde (the stuff you spray on cadavers) and laughed about it, I was pretty darn annoyed. In fact, I may have glared at her very condescendingly. I think she sensed my stare of shame because she got quiet very quickly and stopped smiling.  I know this is a dumb story but I really felt bad about the way I had reacted and the things I had thought in my head. It was a tiny accident and I reacted horribly. But thankfully, this experience has inspired me to have more patience and try to look for ways I can feel more love for others.

Another aspect of charity that I tried to work on (and am still working on) is not judging or comparing myself to others. One of my favorite quotes is "compare and despair." How true is that! How can you feel love for yourself if you keep comparing your looks, your grades, your possessions to others? It will only make you feel pride for how much "better" you are or feel embarrassed for all the things you lack or can't measure up to. Now don't get me wrong, a little friendly competition doesn't hurt anybody. My roommate and I constantly compete to get better grades in the classes we share. Yes, it can be frustrating sometimes but ultimately it helps us to work and study harder. It's fun and we always support each other. You tread on dangerous ground, however, when your self worth depends on how much better you are than someone. Nothing good can come from that. The only thing you should be focused on is your abilities and doing the best with the talents and opportunities you have. I have a testimony that by doing this, you will not only love yourself more, but you will also love others more.

As a missionary, one of the most important things I hope to develop is charity. Undoubtedly, I will be teaching the gospel to people who may be "buried under a mountain of sin" as my Mission Prep teacher would say. I want to be able to look at them as Christ would and feel compassion and hope for them. I want to be able to feel so much love for them that I work hard  every day to help them overcome their trials and things that are preventing them from accepting and becoming a member of the this true church. As a matter of fact, I don't know how its even possible to be an effective missionary if you don't have charity. How are you supposed to teach someone about Christ if you aren't trying to be like him? How can you feel the Spirit's promptings if you're too busy judging your investigators? How can you effectively teach if your mind is occupied with things that bother you about your companion. It's not possible. I hope that when the time comes, I will not give into these temptations. My goal is to improve more and more each day not only so I can be a great missionary, but that I may also become closer to my Savior. And by doing so, I hope that one day, I can say without hesitation that I love all of God's children.